{"id":11130,"date":"2023-08-22T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-08-22T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/?p=11130"},"modified":"2023-09-07T09:56:35","modified_gmt":"2023-09-07T07:56:35","slug":"are-family-attachments-a-cure-for-the-suicide-plague-parent-listen-understand-me-love-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/are-family-attachments-a-cure-for-the-suicide-plague-parent-listen-understand-me-love-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Are Family Attachments a Cure for the Suicide Plague? Parent! Listen, Understand Me, Love Me!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

According to Young Scientists USA<\/em>, a magazine about scientific activities among young people, a main factor in preventing suicide is emotional attachment to family. A study published in Social Development<\/em>, <\/em>another scientific journal in the US, shows clearly that the family a child is brought up in has a huge impact on shaping the ability to regulate emotions. This ability is a basic psychological function in determining the direction of the personality\u2019s further development and maturation. Dysfunctions in this primary social unit are the most common cause of mental disorders and illnesses at the developmental age, and impact the entire adult life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026because I am not perfect<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019s 15 and her body shows traces of suffering that \u201cwould be enough\u201d to write a tragic biography of a woman decades older. Forearms covered with dense scars, on one leg a vulgar inscription is carved, likely with a razor. She always wears a band around her neck, not wanting the world to see signs of her action. The one over which it\u2019s disputed whether it was an act of courage or cowardice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s hard to imagine how a child can endure so much pain, even more so when the pain is self-inflicted. Recklessness or irresponsibility can\u2019t be turned to here. Ania knew exactly what she was doing. She wanted to end \u201cit.\u201d Not to think, not to feel, not to be. \u201cIt\u201d \u2013 that is, living with the constant feeling that she\u2019s not perfect, i.e., the way her parents want to see her. She tried endlessly, did everything not for herself but for them, to hear at least a word of appreciation, an expression of acceptance, and above all, of love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Midjourney \/ Maciej Kochanowski<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Lack of love<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Much has been written about love, and lots of moving works have been created. Art praises it, and we\u2019re all constantly looking for it. The most poignant disease for a human is its absence. Especially when we talk about the love of parents for their child. Ensuring safety, unconditional acceptance, support, care, concern, and showing tenderness generates a favorable environment, necessary for healthy, harmonious development. As in the past love was to be understood and expressed through the products of culture, so the development of thought and science in the twentieth century has resulted in the emergence of many theories, including those that have been examined empirically and confirmed by research. They help in understanding why the role of parental love for a child is so important. It\u2019s hard to believe that a deficit in the metaphysical factor, which it is, can cause a serious disease with its troubling prognosis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A disease that\u2019s progressing<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

According to the WHO, suicide is the second leading cause of death among people from 15 to 29. DSM-5, the American Psychiatric Association\u2019s classification of mental illnesses and disorders, describes successive stages in suicidal processes. Initially, in a young person\u2019s mind a conviction about insurmountable difficulties appears. They see the world in dark shades. Aggression, an automatic reaction to threatening external factors, finds no outside outlet and creates a festering wound that won\u2019t heal, causing deeply felt, unbearable pain. Exposed to such suffering, the young person\u2019s psyche gradually adapts to extreme conditions and successively \u201cturns off\u201d self-preservation mechanisms. There\u2019s a resigned attitude, withdrawal, loneliness, a sense of abandonment.  Relief can come through the world of fantasy, where desires that dominate are not to feel anymore, not to be, to disappear. In this deadly process\u2019s final stage, the suffered may set their affairs in order by making a will or farewell letter, for example, then attempts to take their own life at the very end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Midjourney \/ Maciej Kochanowski<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Can this be avoided?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Donald Winnicott (1896\u20131971), a British pediatrician, used in his work one of the important achievements of his time, as psychoanalysis was. In Winnicott\u2019s view, the way an adult will function depends on their life\u2019s earliest moments and is based on the early relationship with the mother. Winnicott was an optimist and in his statements he clearly emphasized that being an ideal parent free of mistakes is simply impossible. He presented a more realistic, achievable goal, formulating conditions that must be met to be \u201cgood enough\u201d for the child. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

First: the awareness of our child\u2019s vulnerability.<\/strong> A newborn is a being entirely involved in signaling their most important needs. The first weeks of our child\u2019s life are a struggle for survival. Therefore, according to Winnicott\u2019s recommendations, it\u2019s important to adapt yourself to their needs. This is a difficult challenge, especially for novice parents, yet this adjustment will cause the child to develop one of the fundamental psychological structures, a sense of security, which allows them to cope with the demands of everyday life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second: let a child be angry.<\/strong> A common phrase in adult language, \u201cbeing bad,\u201d is a child’s way of learning and getting to know the world. They check what their limits and possibilities are, and show by way frustration and anger their inability to realize their intentions. The possibility to uninhibitedly express them among calm adults who allow this to happen causes the child to become aware of their inner experiences and emotions, not always shared by people in their environment. The child duly produces an apt self-image, which in turn leads to acquiring the ability to control their emotions. Teenage rebellion, a natural developmental process, is precisely \u201cbreaking out\u201d for independence, the need to \u201cseparate\u201d from the mother, to have the autonomy they can allow themself only when their difficult emotions have been accepted and somehow validated by the carer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Third: a child can\u2019t be \u201ctoo well-behaved.\u201d<\/strong> According to Winnicott, \u201cpoliteness\u201d of that sort is a real cause for concern. The child should express their emotions and behaviors, being the one time in his or her life they can do so in a socially acceptable way. When parents are excessively punishing and demanding, and condition their child’s behavior in those directions, the result can be their requiring too early that the child show a level of emotional self-control, behavior that only becomes appropriate in later developmental stages. This can lead to a false self being shaped. On the outside, this person gives the impression of being calm and composed, while inside they suppress their urges and feelings. As an adult, they may never acquire the ability to love and other positive attitudes as they\u2019ve never experienced acceptance of their negative emotions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fourth: let a child simply be \u2013 what seems the easiest task turns out to be extremely difficult.<\/strong> We often place on the child the objective of realizing our ambitions and unfulfilled goals. We want them to implement our ready-made scenario for their life. Winnicott, meanwhile, talks about always seeing them as a small, defenseless person, and devoting our energy to helping them find his or her true interests and talents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fifth: realize the seriousness of the task you\u2019ve taken on as a parent \u2013 which sounds serious and even frightening.<\/strong> Yet responsibility for your child is, according to Winnicott, actually a responsibility for an entire generation whose happiness lies in their parents\u2019 hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love and responsibility<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A child brought up in a loving, supportive family has been very fortunate. There\u2019s no overestimating a safe base where one returns after joyfully exploring the world, and an object before which one can express even the most difficult emotions, knowing they\u2019ll be accepted. The hope remains that a model of parenting is found in which the main domain is love and responsibility, and that it comes to dominate in society.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Read also:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When You\u2019re a Dad: About Fatherhood on Father’s Day<\/a><\/blockquote>