Assertiveness is frequently discussed in schools. However, these discussions are often limited to isolated lessons, and the topic almost vanishes in everyday life. We forget that children learn through observation and imitation. From a very young age, they can draw conclusions and, based on these, shape their worldview. This worldview can be an illustration of a great adventure or a tremendous nightmare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Humility is one of the most important traits, the lack of which is often pointed out as a serious flaw. It has been ingrained in our minds as a virtue that is misunderstood and misinterpreted. Often unjustly attributed to the influence of religion, particularly Christianity, which is thought to repressively affect its followers, transforming them into submissive and manipulable martyrs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, in the biblical context, humility is the opposite of pride. It is a virtue described as the foundation for building healthy relationships with creation and the supernatural reality. In summary, it is the recognition of the truth about oneself and God, meaning an awareness of one\u2019s limitations, and simultaneously, the omnipotence of the creator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Translating this definition to universal values: in a humanistic view, humility is a state of mind and a life attitude. It is an awareness of one\u2019s limitations, as well as the limitations of others, which gives psychological strength based on the belief that we are all equal and subject to the same laws.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Therefore, humility has nothing to do with \u2018tormenting oneself\u2019 and the compulsive reaction of denying one\u2019s achievements, just so that no one thinks we are \u2018snubbing our noses.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Although self-worth is an internal conviction about oneself, one\u2019s abilities and limitations, its shape is largely influenced by the external environment in which we grow up. A child, entering the phase of freely exploring their surroundings, makes initial attempts to discover something new with the reassuring presence of a caregiver. If they find support and a safe base in this person, then they view the world as a challenge \u2013 something interesting and appealing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A young child jumping on a trampoline and shouting, \u201cMom, look!\u201d is not actually seeking a judgmental response like \u201chow nice\u201d or \u201cvery good.\u201d What they really want is to be noticed. They seek to involve the mother in their internal state of joy, to share it with her and to experience the moment together. This is one of many situations where we can build a healthy, respectful bond, fostering in the child a sense of security and faith in their own strength.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the other hand, behavior that is risky often arouses fear in the caregiver. A child who has climbed a tree likely did not foresee all the consequences of their action. As caregivers responsible for their safety, we must persuade them to descend safely. It is important to formulate a statement that clearly interprets the situation without judging the child. \u2018This isn\u2019t very safe, come down\u2019 is a clear message realistically assessing the situation and does not diminish self-confidence, unlike saying \u201ccome down, or you\u2019ll fall.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A common behavior that undermines a positive self-image in children is the use of shame. It is definitely the last emotion we, as adults, want to feel. It often expresses disapproval of emotions or current behavior. Statements like \u2018Such a big boy and crying\u2019 or \u2018Look at Anne, she didn\u2019t get as dirty as you!\u2019 are interpreted by the child as \u2018big boys don\u2019t cry\u2019 or \u2018I am worse than Anne.\u2019 This leads to the formation of erroneous beliefs that persist into adulthood and are often the cause of later problems that are difficult to overcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a child\u2019s life, the most valuable asset is having caregivers who believe in their strength and agency. This belief in adults is, in a way, imprinted into the child\u2019s psyche. Sometimes it is enough to let a child get their pants dirty or bump their head while trying to balance on a bike. If we constantly hold onto their bicycle\u2019s handle and seat, they will always need us. Until we learn to \u2018let go\u2019 (literally, in this case), they will not ride independently. It is also crucial that, in moments of failure, we are there as a source of comfort, offering support, accepting their sadness and shame caused by the fall, and expressing faith that they will eventually succeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Parents also need to set expectations for their children. To raise a young person who can navigate the world, we must teach them about consequences and the principles of social coexistence. Unfortunately, the dominant model of behavior conditioning still involves punishments. Of course, they may work in some cases and yield quick results, but only temporarily. Punishment is an action that is based on fear. \u2018If I do this or that, mom or dad will punish me.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This instills in the child a fear of punishment, which simultaneously becomes fear of the person enforcing it, and surely no parent in the 21st century wants their child to be afraid of them. Moreover, a maturing teenager eventually realizes that parents \u2018can\u2019t really do anything to them,\u2019 and the fear of consequences vanishes, as the punishments we can impose are no longer severe for them. The illusion that the child respects us disappears; they have simply stopped fearing us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A much more effective educational method is positive reinforcement. Whenever a child does something we have asked them to, or spontaneously does something good, we should appreciate it. It is not about rewarding them for fulfilling duties or showing personal culture. It is about a kind word, a simple \u2018thank you,\u2019 or saying \u2018I\u2019m proud of you.\u2019 Such words have a lasting impact, shaping a positive self-image and the belief that it is worthwhile to behave well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, we should not go to extremes, and everything should be approached with balance and sensitivity. Certainly, a child\u2019s bad behavior that harms others must be immediately stopped. However, the goal is to try not to reach for reflexive, quick, and often erroneous strategies. More knowledge and respect will help us find the right balance between being demanding and loving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We are social beings. One of the basic determinants of mental well-being is proper functioning among others. Every day we face choices and often difficult situations. Perhaps we often feel wronged, whether in relationships, at work, or in other interactions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The sense of grievance is a reaction to the violation of our boundaries, the infringement of our dignity, or the deprivation of our resources. Often, this happens in a way that leaves us unable to resist, such as through violence. However, there are times when we \u2018give away\u2019 a part of ourselves with a smile, only to later feel sadness due to a real loss, and strong anger directed at ourselves because we \u2018still can\u2019t stand up for ourselves.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The phenomenon of pleasing others has its roots in low self-esteem and agency, and often, in a misunderstood sense of humility. We do not want to appear arrogant or immodest, and we certainly do not want to hurt others! We then give up our comfort to avoid the oppressive feeling of guilt that we have saddened, offended, or appeared arrogant to someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Teaching a child that it is good to share, but only when it is done in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and not at our own expense, is very important. A child has the right not to share their toy at a particular moment, the right not to be bothered by others, and the right to express their emotions and to be understood. If we adults learn that a child knows much more than we think, we will be halfway to raising an adult who can set their own boundaries and respect those of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The problem of misunderstanding our own children often stems from the fact that we ourselves did not experience sufficient acceptance in childhood. As adults, we carry within us a wound that bleeds. In our memories, there resides a little boy or girl who was frightened, unjustly punished, or humiliated, whether at school or at home. Being unaware of the limitations caused by our past, we will inadvertently pass on these improper patterns to our children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
An unprocessed past does not disappear with a solemn resolution: \u2018I won\u2019t be like my mother!\u2019 If we do not work on ourselves, it will be more difficult to raise a child free from our own fears and guilt. Therefore, it is important to also take care of ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Translation: <\/strong>Klaudia Tarasiewicz<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The ability to set boundaries is, in essence, a form of self-respect. Its absence often manifests as excessive compliance or, conversely, an aggressive stance towards those with whom we disagree. It seems that in a world where originality and individualism are valued, most adults should have no problem expressing themselves and their emotions. However, the reality is quite different, as is often revealed in the therapist\u2019s office.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":235,"featured_media":11889,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[436],"tags":[649,1072,711,798],"class_list":["post-11886","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","tag-community","tag-wellbeing","tag-children","tag-psychology"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n