{"id":12053,"date":"2024-02-27T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-27T11:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/?p=12053"},"modified":"2024-02-28T13:07:02","modified_gmt":"2024-02-28T12:07:02","slug":"friend-or-absent-figure-the-fathers-role-in-a-sons-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/friend-or-absent-figure-the-fathers-role-in-a-sons-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Friend or Absent Figure: The Father\u2019s Role in a Son\u2019s Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Hard times marked by war, totalitarianism, or economic crises demanded men return to their primal roles as protectors and providers. They had to be strong and brave, and for many, showing emotions was seen as a weakness, an indulgence they could ill afford.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Three Golden Years: The Crucial Early Childhood<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The first three years of a child\u2019s life are crucial for psychological processes that shape later emotional and social development. According to British physician and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, it is during this period that attachment, understood as the emotional bond between parent and child, can form. Women, for physiological reasons, are often closer to their newborns and more quickly reach an affective state akin to love. This is influenced by complex psychological mechanisms and biochemistry, including the production of oxytocin, commonly known as the \u201cattachment hormone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many men believed that mothers were primarily responsible for a child\u2019s early years, a role culturally assigned to women. Not long ago, women were expected to devote themselves entirely to household maintenance and child-rearing, handling feeding, diapering, entertaining, and putting to sleep. This image was not confined to one culture; it could be seen as a societal standard from the 1960s and 1970s, from the American suburbs to the Polish countryside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The transgenerational trauma of two world wars and totalitarianism in Eastern Europe left a mark on parenting models across generations. However, with each generation, this influence has waned. Economic improvements and the emergence of a more affluent world in the northern hemisphere have allowed for greater attention to children\u2019s emotional and spiritual needs. This social evolution has gradually included fathers in the world of the child from the earliest days, from participating in childbirth to equally sharing childcare responsibilities. Consequently, fathers, like mothers before them, have the opportunity to bond with their children and offer them the chance to form secure attachments not just with one, but two \u201cobjects\u201d: mother and father.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Son or Daughter? <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It is commonly believed that every man desires a son. Certainly, most parents, especially those expecting their first child, have a gender preference. However, fathers\u2019 declarations do not support the age-old myth tied to historical realities: the son as heir and key to the family\u2019s continuation. Today, regardless of the child\u2019s gender, the key seems to be the presence of both parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the early months of life, when parenting mainly involves caregiving tasks, the gender differences between parents seem less significant. Yet it is the children, not the parents, who are to adopt perspective. The idea that boys and girls are raised differently faces strong opposition today. Nonetheless, observing a child\u2019s development reveals certain interests and behaviors as gender-specific stereotypes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Do Boys Play with Hammers?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The simplest answer to the title question is: because their dads use hammers. Experienced parents know that all toys can be discarded, and the child will still be most fascinated by what the parents commonly use. Children are excellent observers, akin to walking \u201cradars\u201d who see and hear everything. Their minds are adapted for continuous learning about the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Imitation is a common way of acquiring skills. But why do boys often mimic their fathers, and girls their mothers? In early childhood, a child perceives themselves as \u201cthe same as\u201d or \u201cdifferent from\u201d their mother. Freud\u2019s key element of psychoanalysis, the psychosexual development of a child, speaks of boys in the phallic stage (ages 3 to 6) developing a sense of their gender identity. It is then that two key \u201cconflicts\u201d occur. Girls experience the Electra complex, and boys the Oedipus complex. Briefly, both processes involve competition for the opposite-gender parent (father for the girl, mother for the boy). Ideally, when the complex is resolved, identification with the same-sex parent occurs. This identification means consciously believing, \u201cI am like daddy\u201d or \u201cI am like mommy.\u201d Modern psychology recognizes that this process is much more complex than Freud suggested, but studies confirm that the controversial doctor had good intuition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Photo: Hannah Nelson \/ Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Once identification occurs, children learn through imitation. That is why boys are very interested in what their fathers do and often repeat their behaviors or reach for their objects like a hammer, guitar, or TV remote (!).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Will You Allow Your Son to Lend a Hand?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Home maintenance, beyond daily cleaning, is a series of endless tweaks, assemblies, and installations. Challenges lurk at every turn, with the responsibility falling to the partner skilled with specialized tools. This slightly mocking picture, far from stereotyping, recognizes that many women are more eager to use a drill than their male counterparts. And in the middle of it all is: the son. He grabs everything his father just had in his hands. He cannot be sent away or distracted; he needs to be where the action is. Almost instantly, the screwdriver that was just lying there disappears, and the spirit level joyously races in the hands of someone who just wants to do what daddy does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Participating in DIY activities is more than just a series of funny photos for social media. Imitating the father, a figure of attachment and a model of \u201csomeone like him,\u201d is a true lesson in adopting social roles, embracing an identity in line with self-perception, and stabilizing one\u2019s own \u201cself.\u201d Allowing a child to participate in adult life, warmly welcoming and affirming his competence to be himself, is an invaluable confirmation that he is sufficient to \u201cbe like daddy.\u201d It does not take much effort, but it does require patience in many small, repetitive situations for psycho-physical development to get on the right track.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may also like:<\/strong> Transforming Education Through Collaborative and Cooperative Learnin<\/a>g<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no greater hurt to a son than to make him feel he has no place by his father\u2019s side in situations testing his masculinity. The resulting sense of being \u201cinsufficient\u201d or incompetent leads to feelings of rejection by the father and erases the child\u2019s self-image as someone similar to his dad. This weakens gender identification or significantly lowers self-esteem and belief in one\u2019s agency. The guilt that arises is a deep wound. It carries an unfair punishment, often self-inflicted, expressed through a strong sense of inferiority, sometimes compensated by various, often self-destructive behaviors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parenthood: Prioritizing What Matters<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Men are task-oriented, thinking straightforwardly and focusing on one thing at a time. These are stereotypes, of course, and overgeneralizations. The real challenge lies in finding a balance in a busy life between duties and being present with one\u2019s child here and now. It may happen that daily, seemingly trivial events from our perspective are perceived as crucial by our growing son. No one can hurt us quite like our loved ones. Yet, we learn to forgive and even draw lessons from suffering. The hope is that the wound is not so deep that it refuses to heal. Preventing such wounds is our task, as both fathers and mothers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Translation:<\/strong> Klaudia Tarasiewicz<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today, the most favored parenting model for both relationships and offspring is the partnership model. It is more than just evenly sharing household chores. There is a significant shift in both the quantity and quality of child-rearing and the evolution of the father\u2019s image is a natural consequence of changing cultural expectations of men.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":235,"featured_media":12054,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[434],"tags":[829,657,654,894],"class_list":["post-12053","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humanism","tag-emotions","tag-family","tag-father","tag-son"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nFriend or Absent Figure: The Father\u2019s Role in a Son\u2019s Life - Holistic News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/friend-or-absent-figure-the-fathers-role-in-a-sons-life\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Friend or Absent Figure: The Father\u2019s Role in a Son\u2019s Life - Holistic News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today, the most favored parenting model for both relationships and offspring is the partnership model. 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