{"id":12197,"date":"2024-04-02T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-04-02T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/?p=12197"},"modified":"2024-04-02T08:49:33","modified_gmt":"2024-04-02T06:49:33","slug":"forgiveness-cutting-off-a-piece-of-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/forgiveness-cutting-off-a-piece-of-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"Forgiveness: Cutting Off a Piece of Yourself?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Kate felt bitter. She was preparing a project in which she used the ideas of her good friend Tom \u2013 with his consent, of course. However, she forgot to tag him in the invitation posted on social media. When Tom drew her attention to this, she quickly corrected her mistake. Suddenly, she lost contact with him. After a few days, he finally replied to her message: He was resentful and did not accept the apology. The grudge he decided to bear caused Kate and Tom\u2019s good cooperation to come to end, despite her hand being held out to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Very often, almost every day, we are exposed to various kinds of harm and hurt from the people who surround us. The closer someone is to us, the more painful and upsetting it can be.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When dealing with harm, we have three options:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Working something off<\/strong> \u2013 an offensive attitude in which anger is the dominant emotion; on this path, we set ourselves up to take revenge on the one who harmed us, which leads to the inevitable break-up of the relationship;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Repression<\/strong> \u2013 a defensive attitude, associated with apathy and bitterness, because we repress evil and difficult emotions; this path leads to the hypocritical claim that everything is fine;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Confrontation and forgiveness<\/strong> \u2013 after confronting one\u2019s feelings and sorting them out, they lead to a \u201cpardoning\u201d of the wrongdoer, giving up revenge and forgiveness. This path brings peace.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Forgiveness is a Process<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Forgiveness is a process, at the end of which peace awaits us. However, there is no naivety here which may suggest that we will rebuild a deep and trusting relationship with everyone who has hurt us. Forgiveness does not necessarily imply forgetting the wrongs and justifying the other person; much more often, it demands rectifying the evil. It all depends on the magnitude of the harm we have experienced.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Psychologists describe in different ways the stages of the process of forgiveness. It will vary from person to person and from what they have experienced. It is a way of transforming difficult emotions: anger, grief, resentment and sadness into so-called positive ones: understanding, peace and acceptance.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Despite various psychological descriptions, the following stages of forgiveness can be distinguished:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Distancing <\/strong>\u2013 rest from a painful experience or a difficult situation to look at it from a different perspective.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Resignation<\/strong> \u2013 the decision not to take revenge or vengeance. It focuses on the rejection of punishing \u2013 both yourself and the other party.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Forgetting guilt<\/strong> \u2013 putting aside painful memories, not returning to grudges and harm; this is the stage of treating emotions.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Forgiveness<\/strong> \u2013 forgetting of another person\u2019s guilt, the reassurance of oneself in a decision to refrain from revenge and a deeper and deeper purification of emotions combined with relief and freedom.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Reconciliation<\/strong> \u2013 not every process of forgiveness includes this stage, which consists of confronting the wrongdoer and expressing one\u2019s emotions and words of forgiveness towards them.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Cutting Off One\u2019s Leg<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThe higher the level of awareness (knowledge and understanding of harm, and also its psychosocial and spiritual conditioning) and the greater the scope of freedom in relation to the wrongdoer, the fuller forgiveness, as well as the readiness to reconcile. The effects of such an act of forgiveness are regaining freedom, freeing oneself from burdensome unpleasant emotions, feeling of higher self-worth and increasing respect for people, including those who fail to build good relationships and are the perpetrators of other people\u2019s misfortunes and pain\u201d \u2013\u00a0 this is how Dr. hab. Romuald Jaworski from the Cardinal Stefan Wyszy\u0144ski University writes about the act and process of forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"574\" src=\"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/holisticnews_Depict_Katarzyna_and_Tomek_in_a_scene_where_their__41f7823b-42ef-4379-8866-27bcf4e82f4e-1024x574.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-12199\" srcset=\"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/holisticnews_Depict_Katarzyna_and_Tomek_in_a_scene_where_their__41f7823b-42ef-4379-8866-27bcf4e82f4e-1024x574.png 1024w, https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/holisticnews_Depict_Katarzyna_and_Tomek_in_a_scene_where_their__41f7823b-42ef-4379-8866-27bcf4e82f4e-300x168.png 300w, https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/holisticnews_Depict_Katarzyna_and_Tomek_in_a_scene_where_their__41f7823b-42ef-4379-8866-27bcf4e82f4e-768x430.png 768w, https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/holisticnews_Depict_Katarzyna_and_Tomek_in_a_scene_where_their__41f7823b-42ef-4379-8866-27bcf4e82f4e.png 1456w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Midjourney \/ chatGPT<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>The author of fantasy-philosophical novels Sergei Lukyanenko, from one of the books in the <em>Night Watch<\/em> series, describes a situation, in which the main character forgives his bitter enemy. All his desire to fight and take revenge, which gave him energy, disappears in the very act of understanding of his opponent.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Every forgiveness is the loss of a piece of yourself. What is first born after the experience of harm: anger, desire for revenge and resentment seem to be closer to man. Forgiveness becomes a conscious act of rejecting a natural (at least it seems) desire to retaliate in favor of a difficult process of understanding, overworking emotions, and pardoning wrongs. This is similar to amputation: Sometimes there is a need to cut off a leg to save a whole body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Paula Stolarz, the author of the article <em>Przebaczenie, kt\u00f3re leczy<\/em> (\u201cForgiveness which heals\u201d), states: \u201cAchieving emotional forgiveness changes a person from the harmed one into the independent participant in his or her unique line of life.\u201d It sounds excessively lofty, but forgiveness also has a very positive effect on the physical health of a person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>We recommend:<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/mental-slavery-who-shapes-european-culture\/\">Mental Slavery: Who Shapes European Culture?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Forgiveness, Unforgiveness, and Stomach Ulcers<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Evolution has equipped man with a threat response system. When an enemy, who evokes emotions of fear and anger, appears on the horizon, adrenaline begins to act, spurring fight or flight. It affects the blood supply into the brain, heart, lungs and muscles. The organs least necessary for survival \u2013 such as the stomach or intestines \u2013 become less important. For the primitive man, it was not a problem: He escaped or won, the adrenaline fell and the body returned to normal. Today, stressful factors make fear and anger appear in us much more often and persist for a longer time, negatively affecting the work of the body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Constant stimulation of the body has negative effects: hypertension, ulcers, abdominal pain, and dermatological problems. According to Lewis Silverman, a psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School, stress and the associated feelings of anger and guilt that are not worked through lie at the bottom of every illness. Therefore, reaching the end of the process of forgiveness can free patients from malaise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This observation is confirmed by Matthew C. Whited of East Carolina University, Amanda L. Wheat and Kevin T. Larkin of West Virginia University and their research, which proves that charitable people, who show a greater tendency to forgive, are characterized by reduced body arousal. Moreover, Carl Thorensen and his colleagues at Stanford University conducted a multi-year study of 259 volunteers. They were treated with a method of reconciliation therapy. As a result, they had a better mood, and fewer signs of stress, such as muscle pain, back pain or dizziness. A decrease in cortisol levels was observed in their blood. They were also much more optimistic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Predisposed to Forgive<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>It sounds so easy: Forgive, change your attitude, and be healthy. It is not without reason, however, that forgiveness is compared to amputation. It could be more pleasant and challenging. Interestingly, some researchers say that humans are genetically conditioned to forgive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yet in 2000, there were no methodologically correct studies on forgiveness and its impact on health. The change came about thanks to positive psychology, which has been created in recent decades thanks to Martin Seligman. Thanks to his work and involvement, the study of happiness began. In 1999, a conference on forgiveness was held and a Campaign for Forgiveness Research was launched. In the United States, several research centers are working on this topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the scientists from the University of Miami \u2013 Michael McCullough claims that nature has equipped us with the instinct to forgive. The research of geneticist Lyndon Eaves supports this hypothesis. He studied twins and found that they are genetically more similar in terms of forgiveness than non-twin siblings.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Not only are we, therefore, capable of forgiveness, but we can do so to the advantage of the whole organism, not just for relationships with others. Sometimes one has to get rid of something and cut something off from, for example, pride, revenge and a sense of superiority. It is, however, worth the effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Translation: <\/strong>Marcin Bra\u0144ski<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The accumulation of stress in the body leads to many diseases. Its sources can include the experience of harm and holding a grudge against someone. Entering the process of forgiveness has a positive effect on our general physical and mental states, although it is associated with a loss of what is close to us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":245,"featured_media":12198,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[433],"tags":[831,931,798],"class_list":["post-12197","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-truth-and-goodness","tag-feelings","tag-forgiveness","tag-psychology"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.4 (Yoast SEO v27.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Forgiveness: Cutting Off a Piece of Yourself? - Holistic News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/forgiveness-cutting-off-a-piece-of-yourself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Forgiveness: Cutting Off a Piece of Yourself? - Holistic News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The accumulation of stress in the body leads to many diseases. 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