{"id":12306,"date":"2024-04-30T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-04-30T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/?p=12306"},"modified":"2024-04-17T12:46:46","modified_gmt":"2024-04-17T10:46:46","slug":"polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations\/","title":{"rendered":"Polyamory, Swinging, Open Relationships: The Dangers of Normalizing Deviant Relations"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Polyamory involves having multiple romantic bonds simultaneously. An open relationship allows for intimate and sexual contacts with others outside a couple. Swinging refers to partners engaging in emotionless sex outside their relationship. Each of these forms requires full awareness and consent from all involved. These concepts, having originated in the United States, spread throughout the country\u2019s counterculture in the 1950s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Previously, such experimentation was seen as a transient phenomenon, typical of a life stage referred to by psychotherapist Jay Haley as the \u201ccourtship period.\u201d This is when a young person is learning to build satisfying relationships, mastering relational maturity through a method of \u201ctrial and error.\u201d Among adults, however, these practices were considered deviant. Although not typically subjected to social stigmatization \u2013 especially in the case of well-known Polish artists like Magdalena Abakanowicz or Witkacy \u2013 they were generally viewed as abnormal. An American study from the 1980s, which examined the personality traits of swingers, found that they tended to fill out tests defensively, distorting information about themselves. This suggests that these individuals might have felt some shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today, there is an attempt to normalize and legitimize these phenomena. Polish media devote considerable attention to them, presenting them exclusively in glowing terms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We recommend: <\/strong>Forgiveness: Cutting Off a Piece of Yourself?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

From a psychological perspective, certain personality deficits predispose us to seek such variations, impairing our capacity for love. This is explained by Milena Karli\u0144ska-Nehrebecka, Director of the Polish Institute of Integrative Psychotherapy, psychotherapist, and clinical psychologist: \u201cForming relationships with multiple people simultaneously excludes the possibility of a deep, intimate loving relationship. Such a relationship is based not only on sex or affection but also on responsibility towards another person and the ability to overcome one\u2019s own limitations and habits for their sake.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to a therapist with 35 years of experience, there are several reasons why individuals might pursue such relationships, and they are often intertwined.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Chaotic Bond<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Giulio Perrotta, through in-depth clinical interviews of 550 individuals in polygamic relationships, demonstrated that the majority exhibited dysfunctional, pathological personality traits, ranging from neurotic and borderline to psychotic disorders. The most common types of personality disorders identified were borderline and narcissistic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In these personality disorders, insecure attachment styles often occur, particularly the chaotic style, which may arise when a mother with a history of trauma experiences flashbacks while caring for her infant. Consequently, her anxiety, observed by the child, induces fear or anger. If this situation recurs, it solidifies the child\u2019s response of fear or anger towards love and closeness. As adults, these individuals unconsciously react similarly, finding attachment too challenging and thus diluting it by maintaining concurrent relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Photo: Cottonbro studio \/ Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Narcissistic Pattern<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A phenomenon characteristic of narcissism is known as the \u201cOscar Wilde Syndrome.\u201d It describes a person who is excited by the process of winning a partner over, only until they succeed. Once the partner is secured, they lose their allure, necessitating the search for a new one. As the Irish poet said, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t want to join a club that would have me as a member.\u201d Historically, this phenomenon was only attributed to men, but it has become prevalent among women as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another feature fitting the narcissistic pattern is the inability to integrate love with sexuality, what Freud called the \u201cMadonna-whore complex.\u201d A man perceives a woman either as a whore \u2013 someone in whom he cannot invest emotionally, yet finds sexually exciting \u2013 or he idealizes and loves her, but without sexual attraction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Transgenerational Conditioning<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Children learn through modeling, often unconsciously replicating their parents\u2019 behaviors. Individuals who lacked exposure to deep, loving bonds in their childhood find it challenging to create such connections themselves. This refers to children of divorced parents or those raised by a single parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another aspect of this dynamic is the multi-generational transmission. Within a family, especially along the female line, a narrative such as \u201cmen are scoundrels, do not let them get close\u201d might prevail. This message does not need to be explicitly stated; it suffices for a girl to observe disdain from her grandmother towards her grandfather, or from her mother towards her father. A woman from such a family background might not allow men to get genuinely close. Choosing a \u201cpolyamorous\u201d partner could fulfill this family narrative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moreover, the phenomenon of parentification \u2013 where a child feels responsible for an adult\u2019s wellbeing, attempting to comfort, save, or make them happy  \u2013  is becoming increasingly common. This occurs because a parent lacking good bonds with their own parents seeks emotional support in their child. Individuals raised in such environments are incapable of entering lasting, deep, intimate relationships and unconsciously sabotage such opportunities. Superficial relationships do not threaten their bond with the parent and also serve as an unconscious means of maintaining \u201cfamily loyalty,\u201d manifesting as being as unhappy as their parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We recommend: <\/strong>On Closeness: The Clash of Desire with Fear<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Condoning Infidelity and Dependence<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Perrotta\u2019s research revealed that for 78% of men, the direct stimulus for entering non-monogamous relationships was the experience of being cheated on. This suggests that men seek to protect themselves from further hurt through such arrangements. For women, 62% attributed their participation in non-monogamous relationships to traumatic, painful family experiences, potentially leading them to seek dependency and deeply commit to sustaining the relationship. The study also found that only 14% of women considered non-monogamy their independent choice, with the majority entering such arrangements at the suggestion or even coercion of their partners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Victimhood Culture<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The foundation for forming non-monogamous relationships is the transformation from a dignity culture to a victimhood culture, which promotes immaturity and the externalization of locus of control. This term describes where we place responsibility for our lives: within ourselves, acknowledging that what happens to us is largely a result of who we are and our actions, or externally, seeing ourselves as victims of bad circumstances or people. If we are inclined to perceive ourselves as victims and refuse to take responsibility for our lives, we may be predisposed to the relationships described.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The cultural normalization of relationship styles based on unconscious deficits poses a particular threat to young people, as it obscures deep love as an aspirational direction in relationships. Labeling deviance as the norm complicates the diagnosis of psychological problems and the pursuit of solutions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Translation: Klaudia Tarasiewicz<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the most vital elements of a fulfilling life is love. Today, we increasingly evade responsibility in love, partly because our culture promotes narratives that discredit deep, intimate connections between individuals. Under the guise of popular terms such as \u201cpolyamory,\u201d \u201copen relationships,\u201d and \u201cswinging,\u201d there lies a normalization of infidelity and superficial relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":252,"featured_media":12307,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[434],"tags":[649,726,828,959,781],"class_list":["post-12306","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humanism","tag-community","tag-culture","tag-love","tag-polyamory","tag-relationship"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nPolyamory, Swinging, Open Relationships: The Dangers of Normalizing Deviant Relations - Holistic News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Polyamory, Swinging, Open Relationships: The Dangers of Normalizing Deviant Relations - Holistic News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"One of the most vital elements of a fulfilling life is love. Today, we increasingly evade responsibility in love, partly because our culture promotes narratives that discredit deep, intimate connections between individuals. Under the guise of popular terms such as \u201cpolyamory,\u201d \u201copen relationships,\u201d and \u201cswinging,\u201d there lies a normalization of infidelity and superficial relationships.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Holistic News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/portalHolisticNews\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-04-30T10:00:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/pexels-cottonbro-studio-4980566.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"720\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Dominika Tworek\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@news_holistic\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@news_holistic\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Dominika Tworek\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Estimated reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/holistic.news\\\/en\\\/polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/holistic.news\\\/en\\\/polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Dominika Tworek\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/holistic.news\\\/en\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/78fefcb680e58fe98c7510c7114cbf6d\"},\"headline\":\"Polyamory, Swinging, Open Relationships: The Dangers of Normalizing Deviant Relations\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-04-30T10:00:00+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/holistic.news\\\/en\\\/polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":1060,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/holistic.news\\\/en\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/holistic.news\\\/en\\\/polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/holistic.news\\\/en\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2024\\\/04\\\/pexels-cottonbro-studio-4980566.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"#community\",\"culture\",\"love\",\"polyamory\",\"relationship\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Humanism\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-GB\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/holistic.news\\\/en\\\/polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/holistic.news\\\/en\\\/polyamory-swinging-open-relationships-the-dangers-of-normalizing-deviant-relations\\\/\",\"name\":\"Polyamory, Swinging, Open Relationships: The Dangers of Normalizing Deviant Relations - 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