{"id":14025,"date":"2025-04-17T17:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-04-17T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/?p=14025"},"modified":"2025-05-22T07:30:45","modified_gmt":"2025-05-22T05:30:45","slug":"parenting-with-depression-is-incredibly-difficult-but-the-results-are-surprising","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/holistic.news\/en\/parenting-with-depression-is-incredibly-difficult-but-the-results-are-surprising\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting with Depression Is Incredibly Difficult. But the Results Are Surprising"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Depressive Disorders and the Birth of a Son: It Was Supposed to Be Different<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

“I was being treated for depressive disorders, but not consistently. Some days I felt better, others worse. The important thing was that I wasn\u2019t falling completely apart. When our son was born, I was overjoyed. A fresh start! The emptiness seemed to vanish. I even handled sleepless nights, teething, crawling, and preschool like a pro,” says 40-year-old Dawid, an accountant from Pozna\u0144.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“But when my son entered second grade, I began to pull back. I thought fatherhood would change me, that it would make me feel something that would fix me. But that didn\u2019t happen. I started staying at work longer. I pretended to be busy, but really, I was just sitting in my car in the parking lot, staring out the windshield. At home, I\u2019d turn on YouTube, and Netflix, scroll through my phone\u2014anything to avoid thinking. The longer it went on, the more disconnected I felt from the world. It was like everyone else was alive, and I was just going through the motions mechanically,” adds Dawid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He couldn\u2019t sleep, started having anxiety attacks, and frequently woke up in the middle of the night.
“I would look at my son sleeping and try to remember that initial feeling of euphoria, but all I could
sense was a weight. I was terrified it would always be like this,” Dawid recalls. “I returned to
therapy and resumed treatment. The medication helped, but I just felt\u2026 numb. It was like someone
had turned down the volume on all my emotions. Eventually, I stopped taking the pills. I didn\u2019t tell
anyone.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Should People with Depression Have Children?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s no one-size-fits-all answer, as it depends on the individual\u2019s unique situation. Key factors include the severity of the depression, the availability of social support, and access to effective treatment. “It’s the wrong question to ask,” says Dr Agnieszka D\u0105browska, a psychiatrist at the Relacje Center in Warsaw. “While no one chooses to be depressed, an adult\u2019s depression can profoundly affect their child. A parent overwhelmed by sadness and unable to envision a hopeful future may struggle to offer the support a child needs when facing their own challenges. A depressed parent\u2019s lack of optimism won\u2019t lift a child\u2019s spirits. However, depression is treatable.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An important factor in this discussion is the heritability of depression. Dr. Myrna Weissman from Columbia University demonstrated in her 2005 research that depressive disorders can be passed down from one generation to the next. Children of parents with depression are two to five times more likely to experience the condition themselves. While these factors are significant, they do not determine outcomes. Although there may be a genetic predisposition to depression, it doesn\u2019t mean that every child of a depressed parent will inevitably develop the disorder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Related article:<\/strong> Sharing is Caring. The Challenge of Being Kind<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Impact of Depressive Disorders on Decision-Making<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In their 1999 study Risk for Psychopathology in the Children of Depressed Mothers: A Developmental Model for Understanding Mechanisms of Transmission<\/a>, Sherryl H. Goodman and Ian H. Gotlib found that maternal depression during pregnancy can disrupt the neurobiological development of the fetus, leading to difficulties in emotional regulation later in life. Dr D\u0105browska further explains that children who observe negative patterns of thinking, behavior, and emotions in their mothers may internalize these patterns, increasing their risk of developing mental health issues. Additionally, maternal depression often coexists with stressful life circumstances, such as family conflict or financial hardship, which can further strain the child\u2019s emotional well-being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A child’s temperament, psychological resilience, and ability to adapt all play a crucial role in determining their susceptibility to mental health challenges in the context of maternal depression. These factors vary from one child to another, shaping how they respond to adversity. Ultimately, the relationship between maternal depression and a child’s well-being is complex and highly individualized. However, it often begins with a conscious decision\u2014one that considers both risks and strengths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Regret Nothing. Motherhood Despite Depression<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Anna, a 46-year-old academic from Warsaw, has battled fluctuating mental states\u2014anxiety, depression, and insomnia\u2014for much of her life. Today, she is the mother of 17-year-old Agata.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“It wasn\u2019t easy. My biggest fear was that my struggles\u2014my anxieties, mood swings, and moments of withdrawal\u2014would shape my child\u2019s view of the world. That she would inherit my fears, overanalyze every step, feel responsible for my well-being, and absorb my inner chaos,” Anna recalls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I knew depression wasn\u2019t just my burden\u2014it could impact those closest to me, especially a child who picks up on a parent\u2019s emotions like a sponge. That\u2019s why I fought every day to give her stability, even when I didn\u2019t always feel it myself. When I was struggling, I reminded myself that it wasn\u2019t her fault. It was my battle to face. But I also didn\u2019t pretend to be happy all the time. Instead, I took responsibility for my own emotions so she wouldn\u2019t feel obligated to carry them. I wanted her to know she had the right to her own feelings\u2014that her joy didn\u2019t need to be dimmed by my sadness,” she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Parenting
Photo: Pexels \/ Pixabay<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Small, Predictable Moments to Create a Sense of Stability<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When Agata was little, Anna made sure to keep certain rituals in place: bedtime stories, Saturday breakfasts in pajamas, and Sunday walks in the woods. Even when she felt empty inside, she relied on these small, predictable moments to create a sense of stability. But there was one thing she refused to do:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I never told her the world was a scary place\u2014even though it often felt that way to me. Instead, I
tried to show her that challenges are a part of life, but they can be faced. That every emotion
matters,” Anna says. “Most importantly, I never tried to control her feelings or expect her to be polite, composed, or shaped to fit my needs.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Agata\u2019s upbringing was also supported by Anna\u2019s ex-husband, who shared parenting responsibilities and provided stability during Anna\u2019s more difficult periods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Support Is Essential for Parents with Depression<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Experts agree: that adults with depressive disorders can create a protective environment for their children, but it requires the right support\u2014both from loved ones and mental health professionals, especially during the earliest stages of parenthood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tiffany Field, an American psychologist specializing in infant development and the impact of human interaction on mental health, explored the effects of postpartum depression on mother-child relationships in her 2011 review, Postpartum Depression Effects on Early Interactions, Parenting, and Safety Practices: A Review<\/em>. Her research highlights a clear reality: postpartum depression can hinder a mother’s ability to bond with her child. However, early intervention\u2014through psychotherapy, family support, and, when necessary, medication\u2014can make a significant difference. Field stresses that recognizing maternal depression early and taking prompt action is crucial in preventing it from escalating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Parent with Depressive Disorders Can Still Be a Good Parent<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen I look at my daughter now\u2014someone who carries none of my neuroses or fears, who speaks openly about her feelings and embraces who she is\u2014I know that, despite the struggles, I managed to protect her from my own battles,\u201d Anna says. \u201cI\u2019m proud of her. But I\u2019m also proud of myself\u2014for not giving up, for fighting, for giving my child love despite my depression. And for the fact that she accepted that love and turned it into something beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Would I advise people with depression to have children? \u201cI don\u2019t have a definitive answer. I only know that I took the risk, and I don\u2019t regret it. But I also know that without support, therapy, and the willingness to separate my own fears from my child\u2019s life, things could have turned out very differently,\u201d Anna reflects.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDepression doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t be a good parent, but it does make the journey more challenging. You have to be honest with yourself about what you can give your child. And You can\u2019t expect them to fill your emptiness or heal your pain. If you choose to become a parent while living with depression, you have to commit to caring for yourself\u2014not just for your own sake, but for theirs. That\u2019s the hardest part. But it\u2019s also the most important.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSomehow\u201d Isn\u2019t the Same as Doing It Well<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Dawid is back on his medication. He describes himself as “a work in progress.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“If you had asked me before all this whether I could handle it, I would have said yes. Everyone assumes things will work out somehow. But \u2018somehow\u2019 isn\u2019t the same as doing it well. It\u2019s not the same as being the father your child truly needs,” he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I\u2019m not here to say that no one with depression should have children. Maybe others manage better. And maybe they have stronger coping skills, and better support systems. Maybe they can love fully, even through the fog. But me? I shouldn\u2019t have done it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Translated, edited, and compiled from the Polish version by Joanna Sarata<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Read the text in Polish:<\/strong> Rodzicielstwo z depresj\u0105 jest piekielnie trudne. Ale efekty zaskakuj\u0105<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On the 2025 National Day of Fighting Depression, we address a critical question: Should people with depressive disorders choose to become parents? Parenting is never easy, and dealing with depression only heightens those challenges. There\u2019s no simple answer to this question. Ultimately, what matters most is how individuals manage their condition. It doesn\u2019t necessarily have to rule anything out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":259,"featured_media":14032,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[434],"tags":[649,711,853,1274,829,655,1046,844,544,766],"class_list":["post-14025","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humanism","tag-community","tag-children","tag-depression","tag-depressive-disorders","tag-emotions","tag-fatherhood","tag-motherhood","tag-parenthood","tag-parenting","tag-psychotherapy"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDepressive Disorders and Parenthood: They Can be Reconciled<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being a parent is hard. Depressive disorders increase the scale of the challenge. 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