6-year-old Marry runs into the kitchen on her own when she sees her grandmother carrying heavy bags of groceries. She stretches out her little hands, smiles widely, and helps unpack the food. She is radiant. The next day, the same situation repeats itself, but this time her mother manages to say first: \u201cMarry, help Grandma!\u201d The girl follows the instruction, but the enthusiasm disappears<\/strong>. Why does something that brought her joy yesterday feel like a duty today?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Researchers have found that the joy of helping in children<\/strong> clearly weakens the moment a good deed stops being their spontaneous choice and becomes a response to someone else\u2019s expectation<\/strong>. International studies<\/a> conducted among 686 children aged 6\u201311 from 5 countries showed that children understand very well that a request for help can \u201cspoil\u201d the pleasure of doing good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The researchers drew on self-determination theory, which says that people need 3 things: a sense of autonomy, meaning that they decide for themselves how to act; competence, meaning that they feel able to perform the task; and connection with others. When autonomy comes under threat \u2014 when we feel that we are acting under pressure \u2014 our inner motivation weakens. The joy of helping stops being joy, because goodness turns into a task to complete<\/strong>, another item on a list of obligations.<\/p>\n\n\n\nChildren want to help<\/h2>\n\n\n\n