How to Protect Yourself from Manipulation?

Robert Cialdini, an American social psychologist, revealed in his book “Influence: Science and Practice” several secret tricks by which some people manipulate others. Awareness of these rules is the first way to protect oneself from them. The key to their understanding runs through knowledge, so let’s now get acquainted with them more closely.

How to make someone eat a worm?

People usually don’t like to change their minds. This is the principle of engagement in action. Once we have become convinced to behave in a certain way, we are more likely to act in that way. This is well illustrated by an experiment in which researchers Comer and Laird (1975) told participants that the element of the study was eating a worm.

They also said that they can withdraw at any time. For the sake of science, however, a dozen or so people decided to stay in the laboratory. Once they believed that the event would take place and come around to it, they were then told that there had been a mistake and they actually had the right to choose – either to eat the worm or to participate in a completely different study. Despite this, more than three-quarters of participants decided to consume.

What worked here? The explanation for the situation may be the sunk cost trap. When the subjects invested a lot of time to take part in the study, they thought that the only way to keep it from being wasted was to continue. Even at a high price.

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Others do it, so it’s right

You have probably walked past a street musician in the past. Most of them put a case in front of them, or some money box, from which they collect money.  But have you ever seen such artists spread out with their instruments? They often throw themselves a few coins or banknotes at the beginning. Why? Because they know that this will increase their profit.

This is exactly how social proof works. We find the behavior appropriate because it is done by others. The same strategy is used, for example, by interviewers approaching people with a list of signatures of other participants (factual or not) of their survey.

The less, the more interesting

The value of many items depends on their number. Manufacturers of well-known brands of clothing are well aware of this, and therefore they release some garments (especially shoes) on the market in so-called ‘drops’, i.e. in very limited numbers. The prices of these items can reach hundreds of thousands of zlotys. This is how the principle of unavailability works.

It is used not only by large companies but also by many sellers. When such a person presents a product to a potential buyer and says that only today it is at a bargain price of “minus 50%,” what do they want to convey to them?

Eric Berne, an American psychiatrist and creator of transactional analysis, formulated a theory in which personality consists of three conditions of “I”: the parent, the adult and the child. Conversations between people take place at this level. Healthy communication occurs when we address a message to one of the conditions and the other person responds from this level (for example: the “child” tells the “adult” that they has a problem, and the “adult” responds adequately to the part of one’s “I” – “I listen to you, speak”).

Misunderstandings occur in so-called hidden transactions. When the seller announces:  “The promotion ends tomorrow” they address these words to the “adult” part of the buyer, but in fact, they say it to the “child” – “You have little time to decide, hurry up.”

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The shield against manipulation

A good way to deal with manipulation is to recognize which part of our personality the message is directed to. It is often the “child” who is the target of hidden persuasion. By nature, they are spontaneous, trusting, and like to play, so it is easy for them to become a victim. However, the “parent” and the “adult” can protect them efficiently.

There are several ways to do this. One of them is assertiveness, which is known to all and often referred to as the ability to say “no”. This definition somewhat simplifies the matter but preserves the sense of the phenomenon. Assertiveness is primarily about expressing one’s needs and defending them. None of us is obliged to comply with someone else’s unjustified demands.

This ability can be developed, but there is one objection to it: We can only use it if we observe that someone is trying to manipulate us. The techniques mentioned, however, often work unconsciously. That is why it is so important to know them, but also to be able to stop our automatic behavior.

How to turn off the ”autopilot”?

What is characteristic of the mechanisms of social influence is that they do not force anyone to make a decision. They are so subtle that sometimes it is difficult to pick them out.

Cialdini compares manipulation to judo. People trained in this martial art can defeat a much stronger opponent because they use the available tools – gravity, inertia, or the rule of the lever. In the same way, manipulation takes advantage of the vulnerabilities that are already in the human being. It gently turns them on, and the rest occurs itself. Coercion would most likely have the opposite effect to the intended one.

So it is important to turn off the so-called autopilot that we use every day. Decisions made automatically can be easily controlled by others. It is worth stopping in the sequence of events and thinking consciously for a moment about what is happening.

It is good to ask yourself questions:

• Would I buy this product if this woman wasn’t so nice?

• Do I need these shoes for a few hundred zlotys? I usually don’t spend that much on clothes.

• I have already put a lot of money into this investment, but I’m continuing to get into it. Why?

These are, of course, examples. The question we will ask ourselves depends on the situation. Nevertheless, it pays to think about one’s reactions and their causes. In this context, it may be helpful to think about which part of the “I” is speaking in a given situation. Perhaps it should let others speak.

Translation: Marcin Brański