Shame in Contemporary Culture: Navigating Between Ethical Value and a Disappearing Emotion

To define shame, one must first recognize it as a fundamental, universal, and inherently natural emotion. Psychologically, shame is perceived as a form of intense unease, a source of pain, displeasure, and occasionally, profound suffering. This condition notably implies a negative self-assessment, though, in instances of shame, a more constructive strategy would be to concentrate on the specific actions and behaviors that triggered such feelings. It is pertinent to mention the psychological shifts that occur when one experiences shame, including a decrease in self-value, a sense of powerlessness, and diminished self-esteem.

Typically, the experience of shame leads to several reactions: when confronted with a challenging situation, one attempts to withdraw; unable to cope, they opt for escape from the situation and the associated emotional experience. Quite often, our response manifests as aggression, either verbal or non-verbal, expressions of anger, or attempts to mask the flaws and weaknesses that have been exposed. This brief depiction of the shame mechanism unequivocally classifies it as a painful, difficult, and often overwhelming experience. This perception may partly explain the noticeable human tendency to repress shame from our consciousness, as well as all endeavors to remove this sentiment from the public discourse. This leads us to a pivotal question: is this avoidance a suitable and advantageous path for individuals in today’s world? What consequences does this behavior, evident in our societal interactions, entail? 

Shame as an Ethical Value

It is crucial to emphasize another aspect of shame that many philosophers have highlighted — its role as a significant, motivating force that not only prompts intellectual contemplation but also encourages changes in behavior. Democritus (ca. 460–370 BCE) asserted, “He who commits a shameful act should first and foremost be ashamed of himself.” This perspective suggests that shame emerges when we breach established norms or universally accepted codes of conduct. Thus, the role of shame would be to restrain an individual from engaging in improper or morally reprehensible actions.

Aristotle (384–322 BCE) expressed this even more clearly, treating modesty (Latin: pudor)  not merely as an emotion but a stable disposition, and in his subsequent works, a virtue indicative of an individual’s ethical maturity. He declared, “Shame is somewhere between shamelessness and bashfulness. For one who is indifferent to everyone’s opinion is shameless, but one who is concerned with every person’s judgment is bashful; however, one who is mindful of the judgment of honest people is modest”.

Through these words, the Greek philosopher distinctly pointed to the ethical dimension of shame, which signifies recognition of one’s mistakes, imbalances in one’s actions, or even the acknowledgement of wrongdoing. Conscious of human nature’s mechanisms, Aristotle believed that individuals often make choices influenced by instincts, emotions, and passions, leading to many of our mistakes and ill-made decisions that we later regret. Therefore, he interpreted shame as a ‘red light,’ serving as a warning against disgraceful conduct.

Notably, shame also manifests one’s sense of dignity. Seneca, another philosopher from antiquity, observed, “What is not prohibited by law, is prohibited by shame.” However, one might ask, hasn’t the notion of impropriety vanished today? If we avoid certain actions or words, it is because we firmly believe they could harm someone or violate their boundaries. In this context, shame frequently correlates with discretion, decency, and elegance in our interactions. Certain things are appropriate, and some are not, as there are specific boundaries established to protect a particular good — both mine and that of others. At this point, however, an additional reflection on the concept of ‘good taste’ or ‘elegant behavior’ and its application in the modern world should commence.  How often do these principles guide our actions, and do they still resonate and are respected in today’s world?

Is Shame Trendy?

An old Mongolian proverb asserts, “After rain comes cold, after lies – shame.” Yet, observing contemporary society prompts a pressing question: do we even know how to feel shame nowadays? It appears that the sensation of shame, particularly in social contexts, is diminishing. If shame once acted as a guard of privacy, today, it seems, everything gradually becomes public. Cultural and societal shifts are nurturing this trend, with social media platforms amplifying the tendency to share all with everyone. Historically, shame helped separate private matters from public ones, a boundary that appears now increasingly blurred. Traditional scholars believed shame prevented risky behaviors, including dishonesty, greed, and recklessness.

However, in our era, it seems these ethical boundaries are blurring. The more scandals, the better, it seems. Because the more people talk about me, the more recognizable I become, gaining fame. However, it is important to remember that each act of shamelessness carries its consequences. If we share everything with everyone, if we fail to recognize and respect limits and good manners, we expose ourselves to criticism, and more frequently, to hostility from others. Our provocations elicit rapid, instinctive, and often equally shameless reactions. Therefore, it is worth recalling the words of Stanisław Srokowski (born 1936), a Polish writer, poet, and playwright, who cautioned, “When a man has no shame, he lacks a conscience too.” Perhaps, then, it is sometimes worthwhile to appreciate the value of shame and regard it as a healthy reaction. It exists, after all, for our protection.

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