What is kindness and how does it manifest itself in our daily lives? To be kind is to wish good things for other people. We associate kind people with a friendly disposition and acting always with the best interests of another human being in mind. To be kind also means to be able to enjoy the happiness of others as well as encourage, accompany, and support them. Selfless and natural human reactions, often exhibited by total strangers and accidentally met persons, remind us that the greater part of humanity are good people. These kinds of observed positive attitudes and acts teach us that it’s worth having faith in others.

Kindness as a Part of Goodness

It’s important to realize that kindness is one of several layers that represent different aspects of goodness. But what’s the relationship between ordinary kindness and goodness understood as the pinnacle of all values and a moral signpost? British philosopher David Hume (1711–1776) wrote on the subject in his work A Treatise of Human Nature, “In general we may observe, that ’tis impossible to do good to others, from whatever motive, without feeling some touches of kindness and good-will towards ’em.” He clearly pointed to the fact that kindness is the prerequisite of good deeds aimed at others. Every instance of helping someone stricken by poverty or supporting a friend in illness is fueled by the need to spread goodness. This also extends to engaging in charity or voluntary service. Kindness also equates to having good intentions towards others.

Other philosophers, from different ages, also pondered on the concept. In Rhetoric, Aristotle (384–322 BC) argued that kindness meant “helpfulness towards some one in need, not in return for anything, nor for the advantage of the helper himself, but for that of the person helped.” Nietzsche (1844–1900), in in his book Human, All Too Human, associated it with “the courtesy of the heart.” All these efforts to explain the idea of kindness were always founded on the idea of acting good towards each other.

Kindness Shapes Human Nature

Kindness is also associated with self-development, and for many humanists, it embodies our pursuit of an ideal character. Immanuel Kant (1724–1804), a German philosopher from Königsberg, had a particularly clear view of kindness, which for him was a principle of moral behavior. He wrote, in The Metaphysics of Morals, “In accordance with the ethical law of perfection ‘love your neighbor as yourself,’ the maxim of benevolence (practical love of human beings) is a duty of all human beings toward one another, whether or not one finds them worthy of love. […] I want everyone else to be benevolent toward me (benevolentiam); hence I ought also to be benevolent toward everyone else.” For Kant, benevolence transcends mere goodwill; it is our moral obligation towards every person we encounter. This kind of behavior not only expands the influence of good among people, but also aids our efforts to improve our character. Engaging in acts of goodness inherently makes us better human beings.

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Giving something to someone means giving up something. Kindness towards fellow beings requires time, attention, and commitment. Although we could spend all that energy on ourselves, our good nature tells us that it’s worth reaching out to others. You might say that one is always shaping their character by reining in their egocentric inclinations. Therefore, kindness would be a way to shift the focus from oneself to others. On one hand, it’s an expression of good will and openness, on the other, it’s a chance for self-improvement and adding more goodness to interpersonal relations. This assumption was perfectly captured by Polish journalist and feature writer Ryszard Kapuściński (1932–2007), who in his book The Other remarked: “The experience of spending many years among distant Others has taught me that friendliness towards another human being is the only attitude that can touch a chord of humanity in him.”

Stumbling Blocks on the Path to Kindness

Sometimes, it does happen that our good intentions are incorrectly interpreted by the subject of our efforts. What seems to us a normal, self-evident impulse may not be perceived the same way by others. Our acts of kindness might encounter rejection, misunderstanding, or irony. It makes us confused, and we might think, “I really had their best interests in mind, and look how that turned out.” To understand such cases, you must realize that each side might have a different perspective on the same situation. As we grow up, various and specific life experiences shape us for the rest of our life. Often, we lack enough knowledge about the other person, and that’s why their behavior is surprising or confusing for us, as we were expecting a different reaction.

The biggest obstacle in accepting human kindness is often the absence of trust. It’s like a negative voice in the back of our head, always painting the worst possible scenarios. Accepting the other’s gesture of kindness requires trust, which involves temporarily relinquishing some control over one’s life to another person and letting go of the notion of complete self-sufficiency. Not everybody is able to do that. However, this shows us that not only the side offering kindness needs to work hard on their character, the recipient of our gesture faces no less of a challenge. Some people find it difficult to give, while others find it hard to receive. The art of living involves opening oneself to both. Making a kind gesture is rewarding, but accepting one is equally gratifying. It’s worth recognizing that interpersonal kindness is a space for forming relations and bonding. The quality of those relations will depend on our openness and eagerness to understand and trust others.

In the end, you might ask: Is it always worth going beyond our boundaries and accepting human kindness? I’ll let the German poet and playwright Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749–1832) answer that for me: “I cannot sufficiently esteem […] frank and open kindness to me. It is the greatest and most genuine of pleasures to observe a great mind in sympathy with our own” (from The Sorrows of Young Werther).

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