Choosing Status Over Closeness. What Drives the Race for Prestige

Fear of rejection

It turns out that fear of rejection rarely ends with tears and sleepless nights. New psychological research, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, suggests it may also fuel the pursuit of money, luxury cars, and prestigious addresses.

The study, led by Agata Gąsiorowska, Michał Folwarczny, and Tobias Otterbring, included six experiments involving nearly 4.5 thousand participants from five countries, including Poland. The researchers drew on attachment theory. They assumed that people with an anxious attachment style strongly fear rejection. As a result, they constantly doubt their partner’s love and perceive their relationships as fragile.

Can money replace security?

The findings show that attachment anxiety leads to a stronger drive for social status and wealth. In other words, people who chronically struggle with the thought “maybe I am not loved enough” are more likely to compensate for this insecurity through status and money.

The study also revealed that this link is not simply a matter of materialism or a general tendency toward competition. What proved crucial was so-called intrasexual competition—a focus on competing with individuals of the same sex.

Our findings show that people with an anxious attachment style pursue status to compensate for a lack of security in relationships, and they do so by competing with same-sex rivals,

the authors note.

This research shows that insecurity in relationships is not just “a matter of the heart.” For people with an anxious attachment style, status becomes a substitute for emotional safety. Instead of building deep intimacy, they seek acceptance through external symbols of success—a luxury car, a bigger home, visible prestige.

They do this by comparing themselves and competing with other men or other women. It is this competition that gives them a temporary sense of worth.

Why do we chase wealth?

These findings shed new light on why some of us pursue material wealth so intensely—even at the cost of relationships or health. If we feel insecure inside, we are more likely to reach for external “armor.” Status, money, and prestige promise attention from a partner and respect from others.

Understanding that our consumer choices, career decisions, and self-presentation are deeply connected to emotional security in relationships can be the first step toward a more conscious life.

Instead of compensating for a lack of closeness with new possessions, it may be worth investing in therapy, communication, and the building of genuine emotional security.

What are we really afraid of?

For couples, this insight is especially important. Sometimes the obsession with career, constant comparison with others, or endless talk about money is not driven solely by ambition.

The real force may be fear of rejection in relationships—the anxiety that without visible success, we do not deserve love.

Instead of fighting for a bigger car, it may be worth asking a more fundamental question: what are we truly afraid of?

Losing a partner? Being “not good enough”? Or perhaps the fear that without external achievements, we cannot believe anyone would choose us simply for who we are?

Read this article in Polish: Drogi samochód zamiast bliskości. To lęk napędza wyścig po status